A Step-by-Step Guide to the California Divorce Mediation Process

If you’re considering divorce mediation in California, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed by more than just the emotional aspects. The process itself can seem like a black box.

That’s completely understandable. Most people have never been through mediation before, and when you’re already dealing with major life changes, the unknown feels even more daunting.

The most frequent question we get at ClearPath Divorce Advisors is straightforward: “What actually happens in our specialized mediation program?” So let’s walk through it step by step.

Why Knowing What to Expect Helps

When you’re already stressed, uncertainty makes everything worse. Mediation should reduce your anxiety, not add to it.

Understanding the process beforehand helps you make better decisions, feel more prepared, and determine whether mediation might work for your specific situation. There’s real value in knowing what you’re walking into.

Step 1: Individual Conversations

We start by meeting with each spouse separately – never together on the first go.

What happens: Each person gets an hour to talk through their concerns, goals, and questions without their spouse present. We don’t share anything from these conversations unless you specifically ask us to.

Why we do this: It gives everyone a chance to be heard without being defensive or reactive. You can think out loud about what matters most to you without worrying about how your spouse will respond.

These individual sessions often help people clarify their own thinking before they sit down together.

Step 2: The Joint Session

Once we’ve met with both of you individually, we schedule a joint session in a neutral, comfortable environment.

What happens: We spend about three hours facilitating a conversation between you and your spouse. We’re not there to make decisions for you or take sides – we’re there to help you actually communicate about the issues that matter.

What we focus on:

• Identifying where you disagree and why
• Finding areas where your interests might actually align
• Clarifying what’s realistic given your circumstances
• Helping you understand whether continued mediation makes sense

This isn’t about solving everything in one afternoon. It’s about having the kind of productive conversation that’s often impossible when emotions are running high.

Step 3: Deciding Your Next Move

At the end of this process, you’ll both have a much clearer picture of where things stand and what your options actually are.

From there, you might decide to:

• Continue with full mediation
• Explore a collaborative law divorce process
• Return to traditional litigation, but now with better understanding of the issues

The point isn’t to pressure you into any particular choice. It’s to make sure whatever you choose, you’re doing it with your eyes open.

What This Costs

The entire process – both individual sessions plus the joint session – costs $799 total. No retainers, no hourly fees, no surprise charges.

Most of our clients tell us this single step saved them thousands in legal fees and months of unnecessary conflict, even when they ultimately decided mediation wasn’t right for them.

What We Don’t Do

We need to be clear about something important: we don’t provide legal advice. We’re not attorneys, and we don’t interpret laws or develop legal strategies for either party. No mediator, even an attorney-mediator, is allowed to give legal advice in a mediation – that is strictly forbidden. You can, however bring an attorney to your private or joint session, or bring a therapist, divorce coach or trusted support person.

What we do provide is a structured process for having difficult conversations, a neutral perspective on your situation, and guidance about your options moving forward. If you need legal advice, we’ll recommend that you consult with an attorney.

Why This Approach Makes Sense

Mediation offers advantages beyond just saving time and money. It helps couples communicate more effectively, reduces the emotional damage that litigation can cause, and protects important relationships – especially when children are involved.

Perhaps most importantly, it keeps decision-making power with the people who know the family best: you and your spouse. Court-imposed solutions rarely fit as well as agreements you’ve worked out yourselves.

Taking the Next Step

If you’re considering divorce or already in the early stages but feeling uncertain about the best path forward, this process might be exactly what you need.

It doesn’t lock you into anything permanent. It simply creates space to make a more informed decision about how to handle one of the most significant transitions in your life.

This article is part of our educational series from ClearPath Divorce Advisors, helping Southern California families explore alternatives to traditional divorce litigation.